Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Dealing with the Loss of a Pet/Loved One

The following question was submitted by a reader looking for help with the recent loss of his beloved dog. 

I lost my dog and light of my life Bonnie the night before last, I have been away at college and I didn’t get to say good-bye. I feel so heartbroken and lost, almost like the light has gone away. She was part of my family for nine years. I’m not sure what to ask.....but for some reason I felt I had to send this email. Do you have any advice?

Dear J,

The pain of losing someone we love is always difficult.  But the animals have taught me so much over the years about grief and healing.  Its all about trusting our heart connections and letting the very light that you feel is now gone from your life, back in, to your heart.  The perception that you weren’t there when your friend passed is also hard and probably makes you feel even more disconnected.  However, there is a powerful truth that the animals have shared with me over the years that I’d like to share with you.

That truth is that our heart connections are very real and transcend time and space.  So what does that mean?  And how does that ease your heart? 

The love and connection you had for Bonnie and felt from her is very real.  When she was still alive and you were away at school, I’ll bet that you could still feel her and knew she was there.  You knew the importance she was in your life and the place in the heart where she lived and brought you so much love and joy and companionship.  You also know that your feelings for her and her feelings for you didn’t diminish one iota because you were away at school.  Distance did not interfere with your relationship or your love for her.  And in that same way, Bonnie knew you were with her even as she left her body.  She never felt separated from your heart.

That still holds true now, even when she is not in a physical body.  We live in a physical world and the reality is that our bodies are used to touching and seeing and interacting with our friends and loved ones.  So when you go home, especially for the first time, and she is not there, it will be painful.  When we cannot touch them or see them, our bodies ache for them.  And that separation we feel is a physical separation and is the basis for our grief.  There is no way around grief.  When we love someone and then they are gone from our lives physically, we miss them and we grieve.

However, healing comes in when we realize and understand that through our grief, our hearts can still find them.  Our love and connection is still very much alive.  For love and heart connections are very real energy connections.  Picture it as a beam of light connecting one heart to another.  That beam is not physical but is made of energy.  And energy is the connection between the physical and spiritual world.

In the thousands of consultations I have done for people with animals in spirit, the most common message I get from those animals is something that I find very comforting.  They tell me that when we think about them, they feel us. 

Think about the power in that.  Because it is a truth of heart connection that is the source of healing our aching hearts.  They still feel our love and we can still feel theirs.  That doesn’t mean that we won’t still miss them.  You will miss Bonnie and all the things about her.  But from your grief, try to spend some time on your memories of joy and all the laughter and comfort she brought to you and your family.  I’ll bet you all have incredible memories that make you all smile when you think of them.  And you all have individual moments that were special just between you and Bonnie.  Allow yourself to remember those things.  And when you do, also allow yourself to feel the love you still have for her and acknowledge the place she holds firmly in your heart.  Because as you do that, she will feel that from where she is in spirit, and she will return that love to you and you WILL feel it in your heart. 

Our heart connections are real and they are eternal.  They are unaffected by time or space.  And the place that Bonnie holds in your heart and in the life of your family is forever secure within her heart and soul. 

That is the absolute truth.  It is what thousands and thousands of animals have taught me over many years.  Grief is a process that will ease with time and get better.  Love is a connection that is forever. 

What a blessed and lucky dog Bonnie was to be so loved and cherished by you and your family.  As I’m sure all of you have been blessed by her as well.

Dawn Hayman

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