Dealing with the Loss of a Pet/Loved One

The following question was submitted by a reader looking for help with the recent loss of his beloved dog. 

I lost my dog and light of my life Bonnie the night before last, I have been away at college and I didn’t get to say good-bye. I feel so heartbroken and lost, almost like the light has gone away. She was part of my family for nine years. I’m not sure what to ask.....but for some reason I felt I had to send this email. Do you have any advice?

J.

Dear J,

The pain of losing someone we love is always difficult.  But the animals have taught me so much over the years about grief and healing.  Its all about trusting our heart connections and letting the very light that you feel is now gone from your life, back in, to your heart.  The perception that you weren’t there when your friend passed is also hard and probably makes you feel even more disconnected.  However, there is a powerful truth that the animals have shared with me over the years that I’d like to share with you.

That truth is that our heart connections are very real and transcend time and space.  So what does that mean?  And how does that ease your heart? 

The love and connection you had for Bonnie and felt from her is very real.  When she was still alive and you were away at school, I’ll bet that you could still feel her and knew she was there.  You knew the importance she was in your life and the place in the heart where she lived and brought you so much love and joy and companionship.  You also know that your feelings for her and her feelings for you didn’t diminish one iota because you were away at school.  Distance did not interfere with your relationship or your love for her.  And in that same way, Bonnie knew you were with her even as she left her body.  She never felt separated from your heart.

That still holds true now, even when she is not in a physical body.  We live in a physical world and the reality is that our bodies are used to touching and seeing and interacting with our friends and loved ones.  So when you go home, especially for the first time, and she is not there, it will be painful.  When we cannot touch them or see them, our bodies ache for them.  And that separation we feel is a physical separation and is the basis for our grief.  There is no way around grief.  When we love someone and then they are gone from our lives physically, we miss them and we grieve.

However, healing comes in when we realize and understand that through our grief, our hearts can still find them.  Our love and connection is still very much alive.  For love and heart connections are very real energy connections.  Picture it as a beam of light connecting one heart to another.  That beam is not physical but is made of energy.  And energy is the connection between the physical and spiritual world.

In the thousands of consultations I have done for people with animals in spirit, the most common message I get from those animals is something that I find very comforting.  They tell me that when we think about them, they feel us. 

Think about the power in that.  Because it is a truth of heart connection that is the source of healing our aching hearts.  They still feel our love and we can still feel theirs.  That doesn’t mean that we won’t still miss them.  You will miss Bonnie and all the things about her.  But from your grief, try to spend some time on your memories of joy and all the laughter and comfort she brought to you and your family.  I’ll bet you all have incredible memories that make you all smile when you think of them.  And you all have individual moments that were special just between you and Bonnie.  Allow yourself to remember those things.  And when you do, also allow yourself to feel the love you still have for her and acknowledge the place she holds firmly in your heart.  Because as you do that, she will feel that from where she is in spirit, and she will return that love to you and you WILL feel it in your heart. 

Our heart connections are real and they are eternal.  They are unaffected by time or space.  And the place that Bonnie holds in your heart and in the life of your family is forever secure within her heart and soul. 

That is the absolute truth.  It is what thousands and thousands of animals have taught me over many years.  Grief is a process that will ease with time and get better.  Love is a connection that is forever. 

What a blessed and lucky dog Bonnie was to be so loved and cherished by you and your family.  As I’m sure all of you have been blessed by her as well.

Dawn Hayman

Do Animals Go to Heaven? Our Eternal Connection

One of our Facebook followers posted the following question, which we have been asked many times before, and we felt deserved a more thorough response. 

I recently had to say good- bye to my baby, Smokey (feral cat). It was a very difficult decision and feel like maybe I made the wrong decision. I've been struggling, wondering if I did the right thing. I miss him terribly. Do you think animals go to heaven? I just want to know he's in a better place.

Animal Communicator and Spring Farm CARES co-founder, Dawn Hayman answers this question from her perspective from years of experience working with many thousands of animals both in the physical and in spirit.  These animals have shared with Dawn their thoughts, experiences, and their journeys from the physical into spirit, and most especially their eternal relationships with the people who love them. 

Dawn:  I think that no matter how “prepared” we think we are when one of our beloved animal friends leaves, it is still a very difficult process to go through.  We form bonds with animals, (yes, even feral cats) that are often closer and more profound than any we have shared with humans in our lives.  The reasons for this are many but most especially because animals love us unconditionally and without judgment.  Because of these traits, we tend to let them in our hearts more deeply. 

It is important to know that the relationships we have with these animals, and with humans in our lives as well, are indeed eternal.  I say this not in a placating type of way or an attempt to make you feel better.  But the truth is that any animal or human I have communicated with in Spirit always communicates something in common.  They always tell me to tell their loved ones that they still feel them.  When we think of them, they still feel us.  That heart connection or love that we feel for them and from them, surpasses the bounds of the physical realm.  Think of it as a beam of light connecting your heart to theirs that stays intact even after they leave their physical bodies and go into Spirit.  You can still feel them.  And they can still feel us.  As an animal communicator, I have helped thousands of people re-connect with their friends in Spirit and it is always some of the most rewarding work I do. 

When we are faced with helping an animal move on with euthanasia it adds another layer of emotion as it is a normal process to suddenly second-guess our decisions afterwards.   But we need to know that if we approach this decision from our hearts, that our hearts will always know the truth.  Because our hearts are connected with theirs and they are walking this path with us and you are making the decision together.   You will absolutely know when the time is right.  Its never an easy decision, and often we find ourselves second-guessing afterwards.

In those times of doubt, and in our times of grief, it is most helpful to allow your heart to feel the love you feel for and from your loved one.  Think about times or even just a single moment, that makes you laugh and fill with joy for who they were in your life.  And even though you know that memory will be overshadowed by your missing them and grieving for them once again, keep remembering them doing something they loved to do.  With a feral cat, it may be watching them lie in their favorite place in the sun or to come up for a dish of food you put out.  As you allow that memory to fill you and feel the joy and love you have for that being, know that they are feeling you in that moment too.  If you do this, you will actually feel them there in your heart.  You will feel the connection.  And your grief will subside.  We will still miss them.  Still miss seeing them, touching them, watching their bodies.  But we can know in our hearts that the relationship we have with them is always right there where it always was and we are still connected by that sturdy thread of love.  Heart connection.  Heaven is so much more than a place.  Spirit is alive.  Spirit is as alive as being in the physical.  And when we allow ourselves to feel the connection, we do feel them and know they are still there and as alive in our hearts as they were when still in body.  We feel the truth that they are indeed ok and still safe within our hearts, and we are safely embraced within theirs. 

For more information on Dawn's seminar Embracing Spirit, and for information on consultations with her, please follow this link.    http://www.springfarmcares.org/workshops.htm

What Matters? A Lesson in Trust

Photo by Matt Perry from the Spring Farm CARES Nature Sanctuary

Today I was out running 6 of our dogs in a big fenced-in field.  Outside the fence, on the other side of an adjoining field, were 3 deer, a doe and her twins, now full grown themselves.  They were a fair distance away but the dogs saw them right away and ran to the fence barking at them.  Surprisingly, the deer didn’t run into the woods but stood and watched them.  They know us and our dogs as they see us out here every day.  And they know the dogs are contained within the fence but still, I wondered why this doe wouldn’t be teaching her kids to be weary of people and dogs.  It is now hunting season and as I watched the 3 of them lazily graze in a field they knew to be safe to them, I was concerned for their safety and thought to myself about their life and what matters to them.  Do they understand its hunting season?  Do they worry about that?  Or do they just carry on and live each day?  Why are they trusting me and the dogs?

I called the dogs from the fence and we proceeded to the opposite side of the field as far away from them as I could get so that they could live in peace.  They remained grazing and our dogs eventually focused on other things.  As I walked around the field, my awareness was drawn back to the deer and I was surprised to see that the doe was staring directly at me and walking towards the fence.  “Come let me meet you,” she said to me.  I turned and even though I knew this would invite the dogs to come with me, I was mesmerized by her forwardness and obvious mission to come closer, and like a magnet, I found myself walking towards her as she continued towards me.  We both strode purposefully toward one another.  It felt like old friends, neighbors, meeting in our yards to say hello and reminisce about this beautiful fall day.  Nothing else existed in the world at the moment, just the deer and me, meeting at the fence line.  Her two kids followed her with equal trust.   She stopped about 25 ft. short of the fence, and I stopped about the same distance on my side.  And there we all stood looking at one another.  It was then that I noticed that the dogs were awfully quiet.  I briefly turned to find them sitting, watching, about 20 feet behind me, just watching. 

The doe was so relaxed and her trust of this situation struck me as being wrong.  What if I were a hunter?  She shouldn’t trust people like this.  But before I could warn her of all things bad in the world, she spoke to me deep within my heart.

“You see, I came to show you what matters to me.  You asked, I’m answering.  This matters.  You matter.  Who you are matters to me.  It matters so much to me that I trust my life with that knowing.  Not all humans are dangerous to me.  You certainly are not and I am certain of that or I wouldn’t have come closer and called you to me.  What am I teaching my children you ask?  I am teaching them about what matters most in life.  That feeling another’s heart will never give you wrong information.  That their feelings are their life blood and they can trust that just as I have.  I am showing them and teaching them about the ultimate trust in relationships.  You are a fine human but this is a lesson you yourself don’t trust.    You have not been taught to trust your heart and know when its safe to do so.  I wanted to show you this and tell you that I indeed know what matters most in my life.  This moment matters.  You matter.  Who you are deep inside matters to me as I walk this field.   Because you are who you are, I can stand here safely.  We can meet across a fence that is between us but does not separate our worlds at all.  This is what matters.  Trust what your heart shows you my friend and you will find all that matters to you is right there for you to find.  Thank you for your concern.  Thank you for caring about me and I hope I showed you today that I care about you.  We will each walk away now having known one another and we will carry this experience forward into the next field and onward.  And we will each know what matters in this moment.  May you find peace in your heart.  Your gentleness precedes you and has touched us today on our path. You matter to me and now I matter to you.”

This moment seemed to last forever but was actually very brief.  I could hear her breathe, not snorting out of fear, but a deep breath of satisfaction.  And slowly, she turned, and the 3 of them calmly walked away.  “Be safe,” I sent her from my heart.

“You too,” she replied as the three of them walked back into the woods and continued on their way.  

Two Hearts Looking for a Miracle

Our sanctuary is full.  This is not news.  We are always full.  But in one day this past week, just 1 hour apart, we got called about two cats from 2 separate and unique situations that needed help.  Neither had a chance in this world if we didn’t help, and time was running out very quickly for each of them. Both were desperate for the last opportunity for loving arms to hold them.  Both are elderly, somehow abandoned, strays found fighting to survive, both with health issues, and both incredibly loving.  We took them both in.

Moondrop

Moondrop was found as a stray in January and was taken to a local shelter at that time.  She is estimated to be at least 15 years old.  She was sick, in very poor condition, with severe flea infestation and hair loss due to flea allergies.  She also is badly in need of a dental.  Unfortunately, there are not many prospects for adoptions of elderly cats.  Yet, clearly, Moondrop was not ready to die and all she wanted most in her life was a person to snuggle up with.  So little to ask, and nearly impossible to find.  The shelter contacted us to see if we could give her a place and we agreed to help her.  Within moments of her arrival, she relaxed knowing she had a home again and people to snuggle with her.  When we pick her up, she nestles in with an amazing purr and will sit like that for hours.  We all fell in love with her instantly.  She has an appointment with our veterinarian for a complete exam and she will get the dental treatment she needs very soon.  As soon as we get her back to full health, we will try to find a special home where she can live out her days in a family all her own.  And if not, she will stay here with us at the farm, to be loved by us.

Lincoln

Lincoln arrived the same day after he was found scrounging for food at someone’s house.  He was ravenous when they offered him food.  This super friendly loving boy was also injured with abscessed sores on his neck and chest.  Clearly he had been out on his own for a while and was not faring well.  The elderly couple who found him had cats of their own they were caring for and couldn’t keep him.  When we saw that he was older, injured, and so compromised, we took him in.  Neither of these cats had any chance of getting adopted at the shelter.  We rushed Lincoln to our vets on an emergency basis and we discovered that he has a number of serious health concerns.  He is FIV positive.  And it appears he has advanced lymphoma.  It was clear to all of us how hard Lincoln fought to survive.  His wounds were cleaned and treated and they should heal nicely.  And we do not know how much longer Lincoln will have with us, but it was very clear he was not ready to go yet.  Life is still worth living for him.  Our vet feels he can still live comfortably for a while and we are giving him full care and treatment.  He is so incredibly happy, loving, and joyful and loves to snuggle.  Like Moondrop, he snuggles in our arms and purrs his heart out.  The relief flowing from this cat is amazing to experience.   To know that he can feel loved, warm, and snuggled in however much time he has left is the greatest comfort we can know.  His gratitude is obvious and when it’s time for him to go, we will help him if need be, and he will die surrounded by hearts who haven’t known him long but who love him for all he is.  That was the only thing he was looking for. So simple, yet he couldn’t find it.

When we held each of these cats the day they arrived, we were stunned by the feeling of how they let down their guard and stopped having to fight to survive.  They each knew that they were safe, that they had a place to be, and that they would know what feeling loved felt like once again.  They fought hard to get to this place again, searching for one more lap to curl in, one more set of arms to hold them, one more head to butt up against, one more heart to purr for, and their fights were over. 

No one knows how much time either of these cats will have left in their lives.  It may be weeks, it may be months, it may be years.  But for each of them, every single day counts as another day to be grateful that someone cared enough to open their hearts to them once again.  Neither of them deserved to die alone out on the street, sick and starving, but both of them were looking at that reality.  Someone loved them once, you can tell by the way they are and by how they see humans in their lives.  We don’t know what happened to them for them to end up homeless on the street.  But all it takes is a loving and caring heart to change their plight.  Knowing that they have now gotten their wish of loving arms to hold them before they die is both heart breaking and fulfilling to those of us who now step in as their caretakers and friends and offer them the space within our hearts to love and be loved once again.