The Flow of Joy – Memorial to Tangene

Sometimes there are things that happen in life that just don’t seem to make sense. Sometimes I think things happen that are not ours to understand. This is one such story. We are sad to announce that Tangene, the duck Wizard (see the post below) passed away very unexpectedly. We were all devastated by the loss of such a magnificent being.

I was just getting to write a blog update that he was doing incredibly well. He had surgery on his leg last week and it was very successful. A pin was put in and it was thought that he’d heal well. However, there were complications that occurred between his initial exam at Cornell and his appointment with the exotic animal vet who later did the leg surgery. We do not know if these complications led to his death or not, but they certainly made his healing a bit more of a challenge. But Tangene stuck it out and chose to make a run for it to live. He was a trooper and we were all celebrating the success of his surgery and how well he looked and acted right up until his passing.

Yesterday morning, the staff who cared for his every need, came in as usual to clean up his rehab pen and get him situated for the morning. He was his normal cheerful self. And when they set him back in the pen, he gave a healthy flap of his wings, which ducks so often do. It is a joyful flapping almost announcing their joy of life. And as Tangene did that, he suddenly just fell over on his side and was gone. It was a shock to us all and seemingly to Tangene as well.

My conversation with Tangene after he left was so similar to all the ones I had with him when he was alive. He was direct and to the point.

Dawn: Tangene, we are so sorry. What happened?

Tangene: I had no idea I was going to die today. It was such a surprise. But you must see that I am still the wizard I was before. I just shifted energy places. I was flapping away and just filled with joy and suddenly I just decided to flow with that joy and out I flew. Up, up, up and away above the farm. I just filled myself with the love of the farm and my friends, human and animal alike, and I went deeper and deeper and higher and higher into the joy. That’s when I realized that I had disconnected from my body. That body suddenly just seemed like a heavy lump laying on the ground. The body I now inhabit is so much lighter. I just moved with the energy. That is all. Flap flap flap. The sound of a happy duck. That is who I now am. I am still me, just in another form. Don’t lose sight of that.

All of us will miss this most amazing duck being in our physical world. Of course, he will live on in our hearts. The Indian Runner duck who taught us all that life is worth whatever you make it.

What Value has a Life?

Tangene is a male Indian Runner duck. When he came to the farm in 2007, we thought he was a female and one of our staff chose the name that has stuck with him ever since. At first glance, Tangene may seem like the most unlucky of ducks. He has had several major injuries in his lifetime. Yet, Tangene, sees life differently. He arrived at the farm with a severely broken wing that had to be amputated. We nursed him through that and he did great. He didn't fly anyway, so, as he later told us, it didn't really impact him. Then, one year later, we found him limping around the barn. We do not know what happened but somehow he broke his ankle. Luckily, a splint applied to the joint was all that was needed and he fully recovered from that injury as well, with not even a limp to show for it. Then, yesterday, life took a sudden turn for Tangene when he was stepped on by one of our horses. Our vet just happened to be on site and determined the leg was indeed broken.

It being a Saturday, we could not find a veterinarian who works on exotic animals to look at him. In fact, no one was available until Tuesday. We couldn't let him sit there with a broken leg without any help. We were suddenly faced with two choices - euthanasia or a 4 hour round trip to Cornell University to get him some help. We knew this was going to be a very expensive trip. As we weighed the situation over, Tangene sat wrapped in a towel on the lap of one of our barn staff. Everyone loved Tangene, and we were all huddled around him, knowing this injury could be fatal for him if we couldn't get the appropriate help.

Tangene looked at me cautiously, his life resting squarely in the next decision we would make. He looked up at me and said, "Well, if you are asking me to weigh in here, I say we fix it. Just put a stick on it, wrap it, and let me heal." Of course, it wasn't that simple. But it was clear he was not voting for euthanasia. We called Cornell.

On the two hour drive, Tangene and I had a conversation about his life and about Life in general. I explained to him that we were trying to help him and how I honestly didn't know if the doctors could do anything for him.

Tangene: Its just my leg. I'm fine everywhere else. They will just fix it and I'll have to go through rehab again. Oh, rehab, how that gets so boring. But I can do it. We've done it before you know. You will help me and I'll just move along until I can walk again.

Dawn: But I need you to understand that the vets may tell me they can't fix this. And we could be faced with you not being able to survive. I'm not sure what they will say.

Tangene: Well it seems obvious to me that I need you to properly represent me then. Seems like you are the one to set the tone here. I'm not just a duck you know. I'm me. Let me tell you about my life. I am a wizard of sorts. I hold a space in the barn for everyone. I am wise.

Dawn: I'm not questioning your intelligence here, but look at you. You are missing a wing, a toe, and now this major leg injury. You are one very expensive duck!

Tangene: No, I am one very lucky duck that I am with people who don't question the value of a life. When you take me to these doctors then, you need to tell them about me. You just need to ask them to help me. Then we'll do the rest. I think, after all, that this is my call, not yours. All you need to do is show them who I am and they will act appropriately. I am not dying today.

Admittedly, this trip was hanging heavy on me. It was clear how Tangene felt, but the reality was that if this leg could not be saved, the only option left was euthanasia. He was so sure about all this. I didn't want to disappoint him.

When we got to Cornell, they gave me the usual talk about the estimate for treating something like this and was I aware of how much money could go into this. Tangene looked at me from the carrier. His life was momentarily in my hands. "I need to explain our philosophy at our sanctuary." I told the vet. "If an animal is with us in our care, then we believe that we are responsible for their care. If something can be done to save this leg and his life, then we need to do that. He is a wonderful duck." The vet looked at me and smiled and looked in the crate at Tangene and said, "well you lucky duck, let's take a look at you then."

Tangene looked up at me and said, "Thank you. You see, they see me for who I am, a lucky duck."

As it turned out, the leg was broken in two places, but they think he may have a chance to heal. They stabilized the leg, gave him pain killers, and sent him home with us to have our avian vet look at him in a few days to see if surgery is needed. Still groggy from anesthesia, I loaded Tangene back in the car for the drive home. There was just a quiet stillness in the car. Then about half way home, he gently clucked from the crate.

Tangene: I am a lucky duck indeed. The value of my life isn't in a vet bill. It is in the heart that you just stood up for. It is in the bravery we showed together today. It is in the love for my friends back at the farm. It is for the vet who will think about me at the end of her day and realize that we just taught her about the value of a life, and that she helped save mine, and that it meant something to you. She saw your smile when she told you it might just be able to heal. She knew it meant something. She knew I meant something. She knew I am loved. And she knew she was now a part of my life. That is the value of a life. My life has touched so many more than you know. This was a good day.

I couldn't resist one more question for him. "So what is this about you being a wizard?"

He clucked from the back of the car. "Its funny isn't it? Oh well, we'll figure it all out someday."

Dare To Dream

When your reality seems less than what you want it to be,
When fatigue seems to seep down deep within your bones,
When you think that its time to give up –
Dare to dream.

When the world seems darker than the day before,
When the path isn’t so clearly marked,
When the obstacles are all you can see –
Dare to dream.

It is the dream that becomes the reality you seek.
It will replenish your soul, and bring clarity to your heart.
And nothing will get in your way to following your path.
Dare to dream! The time is now.

Deeteza, Arabian mare

From Dawn:

Over the years, I have been accused of being overly optimistic or a dreamer. I truly have a belief that humanity can and will rise above itself and our image of ourselves. We are bigger than who we think we are. That is true for each one of us. I have watched countless animals over the years aspire to overcome obstacles that they came into life with or that were dealt to them by the hands of careless humans. And I have had a front row seat to miracle after miracle. Follow our website page on Miracles to read first hand about some of these amazing beings. The miracles are coming more and more frequently now. Just when we think an animal has come in and set the bar for miracles on this farm, another one comes and raises the bar higher. There’s Ramone, a cat with a broken spine and 90% impaired spinal cord, who came to us totally paralyzed in his back end and bowel and bladder incontinent, who now runs and leaps and climbs 6 ft. high cat trees, is totally continent, and is making great use of the 10% of his spinal cord he has left. And Mack, a 5 yr. old Border Collie with a broken spine at his tail causing total bowel and bladder incontinence when he first came here, and who now is regaining control again. And then there’s Rachel, a cat who was found collapsed on the side of a highway, so emaciated we didn’t think she’d survive, but she proved us all wrong, defied all odds, even when her liver was shutting down. This is something that cats frequently cannot overcome. But now she is the picture of health and as happy as can be.

But this story is about Grace. For the full story of how Grace came in to our lives, please see the website about Tucker and Grace. Grace came to us with her brother Tucker at just 4 and a half weeks old. Not even able to eat on her own without help, we soon noticed that she had something very wrong with her. She couldn’t walk well, would fall over, and was very uncoordinated in general. We found out that she had a problem with her cerebellum. This was an irreversible birth defect and potentially could get worse until she would die. Now, at 6 months old, we are happy to say that Grace is not only still with us, but has dramatically improved in her coordination. Although still not normal, she can live a normal lifestyle. This is a story about how Grace dared to dream and how that dream became her reality.

Ever since Grace was old enough to go up the hill with our 9 dogs for their daily run, she would watch our Border Collie, Shayna, run and she’d say to me.... "Someday, I'm going to run like that with her."

I'd always feel a lump in my throat when she said that. She couldn't even walk more than 3 steps without falling over, let alone run. But almost every day she would say that to me when she watched Shayna take off and run like the wind. Shayna is one of the fastest dogs I've ever seen. She is incredible to watch. It brings tears to my eyes some days to watch her do a loop around the whole fenced in field where we let them run twice a day. There is no one who can catch her, or keep up with her.

A few weeks ago, I saw something amazing. Grace just idolizes Shayna. She is her hero. And I caught an interaction with Shayna that stunned me. As Shayna bolted out the gate and ran into the field, she slowed way down, turned her head over her shoulder toward Grace and said, "Ok, kid, if you're going to run like the wind you've got to start learning."

Grace leaped in the air for joy and bounded after Shayna. There was no way she came close to keeping up. But Shayna circled back and got her going again. I couldn't believe my eyes. Shayna understood totally what Grace's dream was and she started to help her. Every morning for the past few weeks, she has done the same thing with Grace. And every morning I quietly tell Shayna what a magnificent being she is and how much I admire and love her for what she is doing.

Grace gets faster each day. She never falls over anymore. She can do sharp turns, leap in the air, etc and not fall down. Her run is not like the other dogs. She looks like a large cat running full out, legs extended to their max. She is gorgeous when she runs. And the joy that fills her being comes bouncing out in a bold, joyous bark as she runs. Yesterday morning Grace was ready to go at the gate, standing next to Shayna for the big take off and run. Usually, she makes it about half way through the loop that Shayna does. But I'd noticed the past few days that her stamina was incredibly improving. Shayna tore out of the gate as I opened it. And like always, she looked over her shoulder to be sure she was just slow enough to lead Grace on but not slow enough for her to catch up. But not far out of the gate, Tucker crossed Grace's path and she bumped into him and fell. Shayna saw it and immediately came running back and circled around Grace in a loop.

"Come on kid, get up and let’s go!" she chided her.

Grace, undeterred, jumped to her feet and took off into the fastest most incredible run I've ever seen. Shayna noticed and gunned it. Grace was right behind her as Shayna started her big loop. About half way through, I couldn't believe my eyes when Grace was still going strong, and then, tears started from my eyes when I watched the most gracious gesture of all.

Shayna knew that Grace was tiring, so she slowed up a bit and continued at a pace that Grace could handle. Grace was right behind her at her heels, giving it all she had, and she completed the whole loop with Shayna. Shayna brought her up to me and stopped. Grace came to a halt, looked up at me with the most phenomenal look of joy on her face.

"I did it!!!! I flew just like Shayna."

Shayna walked over to her and said, "You did great kid, see!"

Grace leaped into Shayna’s space and licked and licked her entire face. And uncharacteristically Shayna let her do it. Then Shayna looked at me with a look of total joy and contentment.

These dogs totally understood what just happened. They totally got it. And I witnessed the strength, brilliance, and heart of the Border collie right before me. Every step of that run was calculated and planned to help another being achieve something she wanted so badly in her life. The shift in Grace that day was enormous. There is nothing this dog can't do and she knows that now. It was like I watched her find her heart and her purpose right before my teary eyes.

The dog who couldn't walk, couldn't eat normally, and was so uncoordinated, understood that she could dream. When she couldn’t make her body move in order to run, she did it in her mind and in her dreams; until with a little help from her friend, she achieved what we all thought would be the impossible. She was now flying like the wind, totally coordinated and in control of her body.

Dare to dream!!!

Thanksgiving Messages from the Animals

Each year it is a tradition here to ask several of the animals what they are most thankful for. We humans do the same, and invite any of our animals who want to chime in to share what they would like to share. Here are this years quotes. We hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

The question posed to each animal was: What are you thankful for?

Amber Donkey: The sun. I am thankful for the sun because it warms my joints, fills my heart, and makes me dance with joy. The other fine thing about the sun is you can be sure it will be there each day. Even on days when dreariness prevails, you can know that above those clouds of despair, is the sun. If you doubt that, just ask the birds to fly high enough for you and let you know what they see. Above all clouds is blue sky warmed by the sun.

Mack: (Border Collie, recovering from a broken spine at his tail and bowel and bladder incontinence.) I have so much to be grateful for that I would not be able to list it all. The people who love me are valued by me beyond all else in my life. Second to that would be the wind. I love the wind. It brings great news and reassures me of my place on the earth. The wind is my friend. My toys. I am grateful for all toys, mostly because attached to them is usually a human friend ready to laugh with me as I play with them. Over the past year, I have found many treasures, and healed several things. The one that is most meaningful to me is my tail. I have not been able to wag it for many months. But now, it is starting to move when I want it to. I want my human friends to understand that I am happy. And I am most happy when they share with me the parts of them I love most, so that we can dance together in laughter. And my hope is that they will hear this.

Merlin: (African Grey Parrot) – My friends and the ability to remember them and feel them even after they are gone. I most miss my friend Phoebe duck. She and I shared many thanksgiving messages together. We both understood life in similar terms. Neither of us could fly in the wild, both of us started from and egg, and we love the humans who care for us. Phoebe lived to be very old. Although she is not here this year, I am grateful that she is still my friend.

Barak: (semi-feral cat badly injured when brought to us and now fully, miraculously recovered) I am thankful for the help I received to know a body filled with life again. I am grateful to be offered a different life now with so much more to learn and grow.

Jeremy: (Arab gelding, mid 20’s) I am very grateful to know love and feel peace. I love my barn, the space I am given to be a horse on the earth, and my friends. I miss my friends who have left before, but I am blessed to know they are still here and to feel them in my heart, AND in my barn. And I am grateful to an old donkey lady (Amber Donkey) who has breathed her wisdom into our herd. She may be loud, but at least she has wise things to say.

Ducati: (rabbit) I am grateful for my life and the ability to share that with those who need me. I just love to share all of who I am. I am not complicated. Life need not be so. Just live it. That’s what I say. Live and give. The rest just hops into place.

Dinah: (36 year old Quarter Horse mare) These days I am happy to discover each morning that I am breathing! Life is precious. I am grateful and thankful for each second. And that is the truth. I am also grateful to all who help me get up when I’m down and to know I don’t have to worry about that. My friend Chops has stood by me for years and I am grateful for her strength and caring. She is a gentle soul.

Addie: (Quarter horse mare – mid 20’s, new here this year) I am grateful to be asked this question! I am particularly thankful for my entire life. I love my new herd and for the people who are new to me as well as the ones who have looked after me my entire life. I am very blessed. For this I am thankful. Oh, and my peppermints. I am eternally grateful for peppermints, just had to add that.

Sage: (goat abandoned with 2 female kids and a young male goat and brought to the farm this year.) I am thankful for a home. I am most grateful to know safety. It was hard to believe at first, but now I understand it. We have a home. We never had one of those before.

Grace: (Border collie/golden retriever mix, 5 months old, born with brain abnormality) This is an easy question. I am grateful for my brother Tucker who brought me here. I have leaned on him when I couldn’t stand. Eaten with him when I didn’t know how to do it. Played with him when I felt joy. And beat him up when he needed it. He brought me to my home where I know love like I couldn’t have dreamed of. They have given me certain footsteps when I couldn’t find them. They have given me direction when I couldn’t find it. They fed me when I didn’t know how to eat. And now, they have given me the chance to think and to grow soundly. They love me for how I am. They allow me to bark with joy when I have to. And they love to see me run as fast as the wind. Just like Tucker told me they would. Life has turned out to be something I want to live and for which I am very grateful.